A Fulbright future: PhD, poetry, and possibilities
Fulbright Scholar Alisha Dietzman, PhD 2023, describes her journey from Iowa to St Andrews, her PhD experience at St Mary’s and her poetry publications post-graduation.
Given the odds, in hindsight, my journey to St Andrews started with a wild gamble. I applied to only one PhD programme—at the Institute for Theology, Imagination, and the Arts at St Mary’s—and I applied to only one funding source: the US-UK Fulbright Commission. Without the full funding provided by a Fulbright grant, I would not have been able to afford to attend St Andrews.
I remember the day I received the news that I had been accepted for a PhD, and my excitement rapidly fading into anxiety about the Fulbright scholarship coming off. I had finished my MFA in poetry at the University of Wisconsin-Madison the year before, and at the time, I worked as a server at a small, but wonderful restaurant in Iowa City, Iowa. Every shift, I’d sneak into the hallway to check my phone, hoping for the news that would determine my fate.
Early in the winter, I learned that I was a semi-finalist for the Fulbright grant. Friends and co-workers helped me prepare for my interview, asking me mock questions at bars during a brutally cold—and long—Iowa January and February. After my interview, I waited, and waited, all the way until April, once again eying my phone between serving blood orange and mezcal cocktails.
When I think of moments that distinctly altered the course of my life, the realisation that I had—in fact—received a Fulbright award in support of my PhD studies will always stand out to me as particularly hopeful and euphoric. I told all my tables that day, and for days afterwards. Receiving the Fulbright grant allowed me to imagine a different future for myself than had previously seemed possible. I carried this sensation with me through my Fulbright orientation, where every conversation and lecture and glass of wine felt a little magical, and surreal.
After a summer spent in rural Eastern Washington (a story for another time), I moved to Scotland in September 2018. I chose to live in Dundee, a decision that I never regretted. St Andrews is almost incomparably beautiful, but I loved—and love—Dundee. I loved my chilly Victorian-era flat with a view of the Tay. I loved going to the Speedwell Bar, with all its unspoilt Edwardian charm. I loved the kindness—and genuine weirdness—of strangers. During lockdown, my long walks through the empty city and down to the water saved my life.
No one has a perfect PhD experience, and mine certain came with challenges, but I am deeply grateful for the years I spent at St Andrews. I will always fondly remember my hours toiling in the library, and my many wonderful conversations with my PhD supervisor, Dr Gavin Hopps, that simultaneously fascinated me and pushed me towards a sharper and bolder project.
I felt animated by the world around me, and by the texts that I lived with each day. I loved the quiet rhythm of my mornings spent researching authenticity in contemporary visual and literary cultures, and my afternoons spent writing creative work. During this time, I finished both a PhD thesis and a poetry manuscript, Sweet Movie, which was selected by Victoria Chang for the National Poetry Series in the US and was published by Beacon Press in October 2023.
I imagined that my time at St Andrews would end conventionally. Instead, I moved back from the UK at the height of the pandemic after a death in the family. I continued my studies in Olympia, Washington, and then Sacramento, California, where I worked as a bartender.
At the time of my graduation in November 2023, I live in rural Oregon, in the rain. I teach student athletes composition and write poems; I am writing my second book tentatively titled Man is Not a Bird (yes, I really love Dušan Makavejev).
I know I’ll always look back fondly on my time at St Andrews and smile.