Challenge, drive change, be unstoppable

Alumni Relations

Tuesday 5 December 2023

Julie Barry is a Family Programme and Kaleidoscope Alumni Network member and is Senior Director of Development at The Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center. Julie was among the first members to opt in to the network and here she shares the words and motivation that have inspired her to speak up, speak out, speak to everyone and to make a difference.

Unstoppable

Unstoppable they called her
but I saw her stop
I saw her stop
many many times.

Sometimes
I thought she had stopped
for good

but no
she always found a way
to resurrect.

To rise again.

Not the same
never the same.

Each time a little more determined
and a little less vulnerable.

Unstoppable they said
but I think
it was in the stopping

that she found
her power.

Donna Ashworth

From ‘Life’ Black and White Publishing 2022

I am the mother of a third-year student at the University of St Andrews and live in the United States where I’ve worked in fundraising for the last 25 years. We have two beautiful Black children and for the last 20 years we’ve been raising them in an environment in which we’ve had to teach them how to be pulled over by the police in order to make it home safely – it hasn’t been easy. My white peers – when I would worry about my kids driving – would wring their hands in sympathy but not lift their fists in solidarity. We live in a place that knows there are issues but faces significant challenges in changing the status quo. I have found the work exhausting, invigorating, frustrating, and meaningful. Countless times I have spoken out and spoken up about the importance and necessity of equity and of kindness. My words haven’t always been received well or, indeed, at times they’ve not been received at all. There have been occasions when I’ve wanted to stop speaking up entirely but then I’ve met fellow travellers on the same journey and we’ve locked arms and walked together, which has made it easier to continue on the road to making the world a kinder and fairer place.

Sometimes, as in the words of Donna Ashworth, I am unstoppable, and sometimes I must stop – and rise again. My daughter, too, is unstoppable. The journey for her has most certainly not been easy. She is a gay, black woman.  In comparison, my journey – as a cis, straight, white woman – has been far easier. I have a knapsack of privilege and have been able to walk through the world without the labels. But with great privilege comes great responsibility and that is why it is so important for me to use my voice.

There was a time when I wanted to immediately change people’s minds, get them to see it my way – the way that recognises the difficulties of being in our society – but now I live my life as authentically as I can without trying to convince people of the way I view the world. Instead, I work to direct and use my voice for the good I know makes a difference in the lives of those around me. If people are on board, come along on the journey, if not, step aside. I am not here to convince others of the positive that can come from the actions that we do, I am here to do good, and those two things are not one and the same. Doing good and speaking out is not the path of least resistance and often not for the faint-hearted.

Working for a ‘Big 10’ university, sometimes I feel my voice is lost in the system: a system driven by success measured in numbers. From experience and on reflection, I have found that there is a duality in the system; the system is made and upheld by people and yet it is also separate from the people. It is possible to not get lost and to find your people in any system but only if you stay true to who you are – only then can your people see or hear you and find you.

Recently I hosted a panel discussion with four people that I consider ‘my people’. We have found each other throughout the years by being who we are and speaking authentically. One of the major themes that arose from the discussion was that it is our responsibility as fundraisers (and, I would say, as human beings) to educate ourselves, learn about others and to meet people where they are – not where we want them to be. Simply put, it is our duty to educate ourselves about the people in our lives, to seek to understand not to be understood.

Ultimately philanthropy is about changing lives by doing good. It is important to understand, empathise, and actively work to do this without placing the burden of explanation on those who are already navigating the barriers and hostility of the systems that we live in. This is the reason why collectives, initiatives and networks such as Kaleidoscope are important. Here we can use our privilege to make space for voices that need to be heard, we can learn from those voices, we can speak up to make the world a better place and we educate ourselves and each other in the process.

My job involves sitting down with people – all people – and discussing how philanthropy can change lives and change society, and now I do this boldly. I don’t worry about fragility – the explosive mix of ego and sensitive topics.  I use my voice and space to make change. Here in philanthropy, I have found my power and I am unstoppable.

Every day, I encourage my daughter to do the same: to use her voice, stay true to herself and to be unstoppable, and she achieves all of that and more. When she graduates and enters the world anew, I want that world to be better, stronger, kinder and more replete with justice for her.

I started with a poem that inspires me and would like to end with a quote that has reminded me of the work that is important in the world.

Do not be daunted
by the enormity
of the world’s grief.
Do justly, now.
Love mercy, now.
Walk humbly, now.
You are not obligated
to complete the work,
but neither are you free
to abandon it.

~  a popular adaptation of a commentary of Micah 6:8 in the Pirke Avot commonly attributed to the Talmud.